You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
