Will you blow on my dice?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
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