i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
