I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
