just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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