Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
