i think my tv is drunk
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
