I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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