I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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