I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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