but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
