The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
