Whats the glycemic index on semen?
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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