The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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