My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
