that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
