Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
