i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
