Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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