So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
