It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
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