we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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