he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
