nut hugger
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Randomize
