She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
