I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
