So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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