I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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