So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
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