I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
operation harelip BJ is a go
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Randomize
