Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
