are you still at the devil's house?
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
