Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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