I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
