Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Is it penis luge time yet?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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