Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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