i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
