Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
we made out on top of his cat.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Randomize
