I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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