His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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