Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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