she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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