I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
