either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
