that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
