Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
