Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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