Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
