So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
he had hair everywhere except his balls
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
