I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
