the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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