Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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