I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
The uberlube is also flammable
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
